CLUELESS!

“Please help me I don’t know what to do!”


My son in his 12th grade, in his most emotionally vulnerable phase, confused with the many choices and decisions he needs to make, laments to us every day.

Faced by options aplenty, he feels dizzy and disoriented, clueless about his future.

Various internet sources estimate that an adult makes about 35,000 remotely conscious decisions each day

In contrast a child makes about 3,000.
(Sahakian; Labuzetta, 2013).

That’s 3000 too many I say.

We talk to him, hoping our guidance and advice will help of course.

There are hundreds of other online resources with advice too.

But as we all know choices and decisions are personal.

Making decisions amongst the thousands of options is something we have to do all alone.

Sadly our education system & society don’t equip our teenagers with skills to make informed decisions.

As parents we can only be there for him every step of the way setting a good example hoping that after every stumble and fall, he learns.

It is important we let him to do this on his own. According to Alisa Crossfield Ph.D. in her article ‘Why Should Adolescents Make Their Own Decisions?’,

“An important component of allowing adolescents increased control over their decisions is allowing them to experience the natural consequences. As Behaviorists know, we change our behavior based on the results of our actions. When we experience a positive outcome, we continue with similar decision-making. However, if we experience a negative outcome, we are inclined to change our actions. Rather than trying to control our adolescent’s decisions, we can shape them by allowing them to handle the results.”

However, this in no way means as parents we don’t set rules, or become indulgent or permissive parents.

Teenagers need to learn to make their own decisions and the subsequent consequences of those decisions. What we also let them do is make their own mistakes.

Good decision-making skills will pave his way for success in life & help him manage stress and hardship.

And till he knows where he is headed, he can only try and hope he makes the right one.

TIME & LIFE wait for no one!

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