Sunday, 15 May 2016

BROKEN HEARTS

"You could rip my heart out of my chest, throw if on the ground and stomp on it right in front of me, and I'd let you... The worst part is, I'd pick it up and hand it right back to you."

                                                               
 

We have all gone through it…well most of us have except a few lucky ones. A broken heart, that feeling you get in your stomach like the butterflies just died (read it somewhere), the joy that is stolen, the trust that is shattered, the feelings that are not returned, the pain that is almost physical, the hope that is smashed, the dreams that are never going to be fulfilled, the lies that were spoken, the promises that were broken…oh pain so much pain.

When you are young and your hormones are raging you are bound to suffer from a broken heart. I witness it daily all around me. And it hurts me no end seeing those young bleeding hearts talking about their complicated lives. Their woes and troubles are nothing new, I have heard of them a thousand times before and actually have gone through them myself too. Who hasn’t?

                                                               
                                          

My husband and I go out for a cup of coffee to our very own adda, the next door coffee shop, Café Coffee Day, CCD as everyone calls it. We have come to be friends with almost all the regulars there, most of them youngsters. These youngsters need to talk and share and even though they do so with their regular friends they love a bit of advice from the oldies and of course a shoulder to cry on.

Things are different from my day. They have somehow learnt to complicate their lives with so many choices, unlimited exposure, changed mindsets and broadened horizons. Among their family, they live with their shields up, their pain and feelings masked, their heart hidden from anyone and everyone. They depend on this charade to help them through the day, but all they truly need is a shoulder to cry on and listen.

Not that they completely follow the advice given, nor is it possible for them to blindly follow and learn from someone else’s experience. They are living in a world of risk and uncertainty, with very temporary bonds of identity and loyalty and sense of purpose. It is not as simple to be young in today’s times. There is so much to do, study, work, family life, social life, so many things to do but so little time and maybe even guidance.

It’s the same for boys and girls. They want to be pampered when they are very young but they are not supposed to be old enough to take responsibility on their own shoulders. Drinking, smoking, pubbing, partying, gangs are just a part of their normal lives. The so-called love concerns which have dramatically been on rise since the past few years end mostly in damage, of their hearts and their social lives. Misery leads to depression which overpowers them and very few are able to cope up with it as another aspect of the ups and downs of life.

Studies and work remain forgotten, they try to hold themselves straight in this very confusing modern world. Young people often are guilty of pushing life. They say “youth is wasted on the youth”. Youngsters are impatient to “grow up.” Encouragement of early dating, clothing that at times is immodest, adult activities and privileges, to the extent the youngsters lose their childhood at a very early stage. They lose themselves in a world full of materialism not ever knowing that happiness does not stem from the acquisition of wealth and expensive branded stuff.  

They need to be guided via education that the more we remain down-to-earth and enjoy life as it is meant to be the better we stay for the rest of our lives. There are many things that will never be under their control. Hearts will be broken but they can mend again. Mending a broken heart is never easy. There is no quick way to stop your heart from hurting so much. Bess Myerson once wrote that “to fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful.” Especially if you are the one who wanted the relationship to last.

But to be critical of love and marriage is not the answer. To stop loving isn’t an option. Author Henri Nouwen writes, “When those you love deeply reject you, leave you, or die, your heart will be broken. But that should not hold you back from loving deeply. The pain that comes from deep love makes your love ever more fruitful.”

                                                              


Each time that I talk to them I pick up some new perspective of life, another way of handling issues which concern us, our family and friends. It’s not only my young friends who have a shoulder to cry on and learn from. I as a middle aged woman am learning a lot from them too.