AM I TOO SENSITIVE!

I couldn't sleep. Tossing and turning in the bed I mulled over why the thoughts wouldn't stop yapping at me letting me finally shut my eyes and get some much needed sleep. There was a knot in my stomach which I couldn't unknot as I tried my best to unravel the threads I had tied around myself which as always were threatening to drown me in misery.

                              

In some ways I am used to being like this. Almost a daily occurrence for a person who is highly sensitive. And if you are one of those unfortunate people who like me have been cursed with too much sensitivity—No not in your teeth, though that is unfortunate enough. I am talking about sensitivity in every grey cell of your brain and every bone of your body.

And if that sensitivity has permeated every part of your inner self, gnawing away at your peace of mind, each time taking a big bite of it leaving you wounded and scarred you may need to untangle yourself to understand the inner workings of your complicated brain.

The smallest of incidents or events can torment a highly sensitive person. A glance, a frown on a stranger's forehead, a joke, sarcasm, a friend who hasn't called, a harsh word from the husband, a raised voice—can easily be over-analysed and misinterpreted leading to strong emotions. Every gesture and word is thought about deeply and then thought about again and again till this highly sensitive person is ready to explode.

                  

How do I know this? Because each time you ignore me, snub me, are rude to me, argue with me, do not meet my eyes, raise your voice, misunderstand me, it's like you have sucker punched me in my gut. The tone of your voice, the sarcasm in your words and knowing you are mad at me can make me burst into tears, or push me away completely. I then tend to avoid people and situations which upset me.

"Why do I care about what other people think so much?" I don't know. I have always been like this. But I do know that being super empathetic and aware of what people think or want, makes me malleable, so much so that I forget about what I need to maintain my sanity. In other words more often than not I am my worst enemy. 

                      

Though being sensitive makes me highly perceptive which is a great advantage being oversensitive can sometimes put you at a disadvantage.

Of late therefore I have begun to work on myself. "Oof you are too sensitive, oof you think too much, oof you are such a worrier, oof why do you cry at the smallest thing." If other people around me notice that about me easily, well, I don't want to be that person.

Can I stop being so sensitive? Can I rein in my emotions? Will it make me a different person? Can I really change? Can I stop reacting negatively to every comment?

I suppose I can. At the very least I can try, not because it's wrong to be sensitive but only because it is harming me. If I work on myself and isn't that what life is all about—change, I can re-engineer my thought patterns and hopefully become a better me which will then make life easier for people around me too.

                               

If you like me are losing sleep because you are hurt too often you can begin by trying out the following:

1. Start with figuring out what ticks you off. Write down your feelings. What is it exactly that offends you? Identify your triggers.

2. Compartmentalise to prevent emotional overload and overreaction. Tame your emotions. If your husband wasn't too keen on going shopping with you do not overreact by arguing with him.

3. Communicate with your family and friends and colleagues positively. Feedback and constructive criticism can help you immensely. Your boss at work wants the best results and accepting that your work maybe falling short of expectations will only help you to improve.

4. Challenge yourself by not taking everything personally. So, your friend hasn't called you or texted you in a while. The friend could be busy or going through something but if you reciprocate by acting cold towards her it may result in you losing the friendship.

5. It's not all about you. Most people are so busy with their own challenges and lives they don't have time or even the energy to think about you. Everyone's behaviour is most of the time not a reaction to you. Your teenage son who talked back when you asked him to do his chores may be frustrated because he didn't score well in his exam not because he was reacting to you.

6. Don't overthink. Super sensitive people like me make mountains out of molehills. We tend to obsess over stuff that has never happened or may not ever occur. We let our imagination run wild. If you crave for calm and peace of mind stop mulling and evaluating each action and word.

7. Don't react when angry. Think before you go on a rant and say something you are bound to regret. Count till ten, take a deep breath or just walk away.

8. Train yourself to be patient. Difficult but not impossible.

9. Remember you can't please everyone. Whatever you do there will always be someone who doesn't like you. People pleasing can harm you in ways unimaginable. 

Don't write off your over-sensitivity as a part of your nature you can't change. Do not use it as an excuse either to justify everything that goes wrong. Even more importantly don't let others shame you for it. It is all a part of evolving into a mature, mindful individual.