FOMO

Sick and tired of traffic jams in your city? Hate wasting time in gargantuan queues, being jostled and shoved around? What about having recurring nightmares of achieving nirvana, reaching the pearly gates only to find yourself stuck in a queue behind thousands of people? And now imagine being  on Earth, caught in a traffic jam on Mount Everest, the highest mountain in the world.

In late May a photograph by a Nepalese mountaineer, showing a serpentine line of climbers extending to the top of Mount Everest on Facebook went viral​.

My mouth dropped open and my heart began to thump as I saw the overcrowded mountain littered with mountaineers in colourful protective gear. A scary sight indeed. (I thanked God there were people from all over the world on the mountain. Can you picture Indians queuing on the top of Everest, patiently, to achieve and conquer the summit? I can’t! Let’s face it we hate queues; we don’t believe in them and hate following rules. But then that’s another story.) 

According to Ed Dohring, a doctor from Arizona, who summited the mountain was shocked by what he saw. Climbers were pushing and jostling to take selfies. The flat part of the summit, which he thought to be about the size of two table tennis tables, was packed with 15 or 20 people.

“To get up there, I had to wait hours in a line, chest to chest, one puffy jacket after the next, on an icy, rocky ridge with a several-thousand-foot drop. I even had to step around the body of a woman who had just died.”

While he termed it a Zoo, many others called it the Death Zone. For me it is a classic case of FOMO – FEAR OF MISSING OUT. Everyone wants to be everywhere, do everything, and emulate what others are seen doing. Being anxious about not having done it all, not having achieved what friends or family have achieved, fearing losing out on opportunities and experiencing the whole shebang is the reason so many find their way to the great mountain, in the first place but then that is my opinion.

It’s scary, very scary, not because you have set yourself tough goals and want to accomplish each of them but because you are doing it for reasons, unbeknownst to you, may end up harming you. Climbing Everest is not unlike buying the next shiny product, the next big thing, the latest update all because you don’t want to be left behind. Instant gratification and jumping on the band-wagon may lead to short-term benefits but in the long-term you end up losing – your mental and physical health.   

Let me continue with the example of the climbers or mountaineers to highlight the damage FOMO can cause. Who are these so-called mountaineers who are able to summit the mountain which some years ago was believed to be a calling – a calling for expertly trained passionate mountaineers and climbers? It’s easy to do it now what with the permits being given to all and sundry and the trained and experienced Sherpa guides who do most of the work. Most climbers nowadays are untrained, amateur thrill seekers, lacking basic skills, who want their 5 seconds of fame or rather fear missing out on their 5 seconds of fame.  

And like Alan Arnette, a prominent Everest chronicler and climber said, “You have to qualify to do the Ironman, but you don’t have to qualify to climb the highest mountain in the world?” As a runner and marathoner, I had to finish a 10 km run to be able to qualify to run in the 21 km marathon.

So, well, are you as foxed as I am? Don’t be, there are no strict rules to be able to climb up Everest and that’s what is spurring the hundreds to dream about posting their Everest selfies all over their social media accounts and maybe even have their photographs in the papers. In the mad rush to be different, catch the attention of the world, stay connected, promote our idealized fake selves we are now prepared to defy death all in the name of not losing out, hating that others have it better than us.

And if you are one of those who live with the constant feeling or perception that others are having more fun, living better lives, or experiencing better things than you, you are bound for disaster, because FOMO encompasses feelings of envy and affects self-worth.

Elizabeth Scott, MS says, “FOMO is not just the sense that there might be better things that you could be doing at this moment, but it is the feeling that you are missing out on something fundamentally important that others are experiencing right now. It can apply to anything from a party on a Friday night to a promotion at work, but it always involves a sense of helplessness that you are missing out on something big.”

There will always be someone better, taller, richer, more successful, more travelled, more passionate, fitter, smarter – where then does it end for you? Do you want to be that person who buys the particular dress, car, house only because someone else has it? Do you want to be that person who joins multiple classes (music, chess, swimming, cricket, tennis, abacus, cooking, gym, yoga, running) or force their children do so only because you fear you are missing out on all the action? Do you want to climb mountains, run marathons, travel, party, post and comment on social media, afraid you are losing out on what your family and friends are doing? Do you constantly follow and check your social media accounts to see what people are up to?   

In many ways I am guilty of being afflicted by FOMO too. The envy that strikes me when I see people doing things I can only dream of, the anxiety that is like a pit in my stomach when I see how much people are doing in life and where they are headed and how accomplished they are, the depression that assails me when I feel my family and I are nowhere near accomplishing goals that for some, come easy, the despondency at seeing that beautiful house I have always wanted, the despair that overcomes me at the slim and fit friend I see on Facebook partying and vacationing…

But in many ways these feelings of fearing that I am missing out are necessary too. They inspire me, they motivate me, they stimulate me and act as a kick in my ass and jumpstart my brain and heart to not sit idle but make something more out of myself, to aim higher, to work harder and even though not many, not rest on my laurels…if taken in the right spirit and not letting FOMO overwhelm you, can be the key here.

If FOMO is something which may just have overtaken your life then remember the fear is real and your fear of missing out on stuff others are busy doing may just end up in you missing out on your life altogether.  And if it does overwhelm and leave you with negativity and gloom, it is time to switch off and reboot, just like you would do to your cluttered and chaotic phone or computer.