Ghosted!



No no...my house is not haunted nor have I been possessed by a ghost.

 

Ghosting in our fast-paced technology savvy world means 'to disappear without communication'  - vanishing into thin air after being in constant touch.



Another pandemic that's been giving me goosebumps.


Clients can ghost you, prospective employers can ghost you, employees are good at it, your best friends can do it & so can your partners - no warning signs, no goodbyes - just a disappearing act that can rob you of your peace of mind & self-esteem.


Alhough the term is new the act per se is not.


People outgrow friendships and detach.


Unhappy employees never return to work.


Clients don't respond to your emails or texts and block you.


Partners can walk out and just fade away.


For most, especially where work relationships are concerned not responding to any kind of communication you may have initiated is easier and quicker.


Professional Ghosting is on the rise.


No explanations, no justifications, no answers - why have a conversation with someone you have no need for?


A cruel, harsh and unfair way to go about things you say? For the person who is ghosted absolutely not so for the ghoster.


The rejection is painful and hurts badly, leaving the ghosted emotionally traumatised, wading through troubled waters of self-doubt and self-blame.


Ghosting can also lead to anxiety, trust issues and can cause mental and emotional harm to the ghosted.


So, why do people ghost others?


Believe it or not there's research about it that says, people who are believers in destiny, who think that relationships are either meant to be or not, are more likely to find ghosting acceptable than people who believe relationships take patience and work.


People who end relationships by ghosting have often been ghosted themselves, are emotionally immature, like to avoid confrontations, lack empathy or the emotional depth a person needs to understand what they are putting the ghosted through.


In basic terms, it's easier than having a conversation or indulging in healthy communication.


But unanswered questions can wreak havoc.


Professional ghosting involves cold silence after some initial exchanges of information. This ghost makes the conscious and the intentional choice, not to reply or get back in touch.


"What did I do wrong?

Did something happen to them, are they in trouble?

Do I need to do something different for someone to like me?

Are they angry at me?

Could I have been or done better?"




A prospective client who called me, emailed me, never answered any of my emails or calls has me wondering why.


A close friend who has decided not to stay in touch and avoid me has me questioning myself.

For me ghosting means a lack of respect, a lack of empathy. It is the lack of closure that has my mind buzzing. While it's true that it says more about the ghoster than the ghosted it still hurts.


But there's a flipside to it.


Ivie-Williams points out that "it takes a level of emotional intelligence and maturity to be ready for those types of conversation, because you have to be ready to potentially hear something about yourself that you didn't know or wasn't something you wanted to hear."


Well as far as I am concerned, I would rather have the painful conversation than be ghosted. And then move on knowing the ghoster was never invested enough or maybe it's their ego that demands they do not bother to communicate or reply.


So while I am on a ghost busting spree - which includes not chasing or connecting with ghosts, and ghosting the ghosts - why don't you share your ghosting stories?


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